Saturday, August 1, 2015

An awkward summer and a new chapter

It's officially August 1st. Summer is headed to a close. I'm glad. Fall is my time of year, always has been. I love the colors, moderate temperatures, ciders, the harvest time of year. Lately, I've been loving getting away from seeing all the booty shorts, tank tops that are cut all the way to the belly button on the sides, belly shirts, kids walking around in bikinis, bleh. Let me tell you, I have been overly bitter and negative lately, hence the space between posts. I'm not a fan of summer. Texas heat, modesty, and a self-esteem issue keep me from baring all like some of the *ahem* "ladies" that walk around here half nekkid in the 110 degree weather. So, for the turn of the seasons I've decided to start breaking some bad habits.  My oldest son, who has a hearing impairment and just started talking last year, has been calling me out on all of my naughty words unfit for his delicate ears. Oops. Apparently I do this way too often. I hear him say "mommy, that's not a nice word" at least four to six times a day. Minimum.... Oops. So, in light of this, and fear of being called into school for him saying "f@&$!ing s@&$!" when he gets aggravated at anything in school, every time I find myself cursing or hear him say his little phrase I'll put 10cents in a jar. Once that jar is full, (big pickle jar I give it about a month.... Maybe) I'll take that jar and the money in it and give it away. Either by paying for a stranger's groceries or gas or just giving it to the local library, which is more likely. Either way, I can't dip into it or spend a cent of it on myself because it's from a bad behavior. I have a friend doing the same thing for negative thoughts. That will take some time to build up to. I'm a negative Nancy sometimes. How does this relate to weight loss and PCOS you're thinking? Well, a healthy body starts with a healthy mind and attitude. So, no more cursing. At least around impressionable, sponge-like ears.

     I have been keeping up with my diet, not so much exercise or supplements, but my diet I have been on track with. I haven't weighed myself in months. When my weigh day comes around each week I've already forgotten about it, so I just skip that week. Remember, I'm not looking for a number on a scale but a look and health. I feel like I fit my clothes a little more loosely. Stuff that was tight when I started is now fitting a bit like it's supposed to. That has made me more confident. I'm hoping to see some real improvements when I go clothes shopping in a little over a week. Not looking for miracles. Just progress. It didn't take me 9 months, it didn't even take a year to get where I am. It took 3 years to pack on all this weight. If I lose even 100lbs in two years I'll be over the moon happy. Every pound I lose is a pound closer to trying for a little girl. I know you're thinking, ok this lady is writing a blog about losing weight just so she can get pregnant and pack on another 30+lbs. Well, yea. That's exactly what I'm doing. I can't have another child until I lose this weight. Being so heavy, my pregnancy will be high risk and will probably be lost like the angel I lost before my second pregnancy. I know if I'm able to manage my weight and get back down to healthy, the next pregnancy and post-pregnancy weight loss will be nothing compared to what I had to do to get there in the first place. I can do this. I am strong, I am determined and I have everything I could ever need to get where I need to go